Conductor Eugene Ormandy Humor

Remarks Made by Eugene Ormandy
and Collected by
the Philadelphia Orchestra.

 

"Congratulations to each and every one of you for 
the concert last night in New York and vice versa."

"Who is sitting in that empty chair?"

"I'm conducting slowly because I don't know the 
tempo."

"I conduct faster so you can see my beat."

"I cannot give it to you, so try to watch me."

"I was trying to help you, so I was beating wrong."

"I am thinking it right but beating it wrong."

"I can conduct better than I count."

"I guess you thought I was conducting, but I wasn't."

"I purposefully didn't do anything, and you were all 
behind."

"Why do you always insist on playing while I'm trying 
to conduct?"

"Even when you are not playing you are holding me 
back."

"Don't ever follow me, because I am difficult."

"It is not as difficult as I thought it was, 
but it is harder than it is."

"The notes are right, but if I listened they would be wrong."

"I wrote it the right way, so it was copied the wrong 
way right. I mean the right way wrong."

"At every concert I've sensed a certain insecurity 
about the tempo. It's clearly marked 80...uh, 69."

"It is not together, but the ensemble is perfect."

"Someone came too sooner."

"Start beforty-two."

"Start three bars before something."

"Start at B. Yes. No. Yes. No."

"Did you play? It sounded very good."

"Intonation is important, especially when it is cold."

"Beauty is less important than quality."

"If you don't have it in your part, leave it out, 
because there is enough missing already."

"Percussion a little louder." ["We don't have anything."] 
"That's right, play it louder."

"More basses, because you are so far away."

"I need one more bass less."

"There are no woodwinds at number 6." [The woodwinds 
say they are at number 15.] "I know. That is why."

(To the tubist) "Long note? Yes. Make it seem short."

"Brass, stay down all summer."

"Don't play louder, just give it more."

"Accelerando means in tempo. Don't rush."

"I don't want to repeat this a hundred times. 
When you see crescendo it means p."

"The tempo remains pp."

"It's difficult to remember when you haven't played it before."

"We can't hear the balance yet because the soloist 
is still on the airplane."

"Please follow me because I have to follow him and he 
isn't here."

"Without him here, it is impossible to know how fast 
he will play it, approximately."

"With us tonight is William Warfield, who is with us tonight. 
He is a wonderful man, and so is his wife."

"Bizet was a very young man when he composed this 
symphony, so play it soft."

Mahler wrote it as the third movement of his 
Fourth Symphony. I mean the fourth movement of his 
First Symphony. We play it third. The trumpet solo will be 
played by our solo trumpet player. It's named "Blumine," 
which has something to do with flowers."

"That's the way Stravinsky was. Bup, Bup, Bup, Bup.

The poor guy's dead now. Play it legato."

"Serkin was so sick he almost died for three days."

"It's all very well to have principles but when it comes 
to money you have to be flexible."

"Thank you for your cooperation and vice versa."

"I mean what I meant."

"I never say what I mean, but I always manage to say 
something similar."

"Let me explain what I do here. I don't want to confuse you 
any more than absolutely necessary."

"I don't mean to make you nervous, but unfortunately 
I have to."

"Relax. Don't be nervous. 
My G-d, it's the Philadelphia Orchestra."