April (Fools) 2006

Instant Natural Solution Adding Nuclear Energy
Review By Steven R. Rochlin
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  All this talk about power supply related problems, and the vast quantity of solutions, could make any audiophile's eyes water! We have filtered power, regulated power, regenerated power, and of course my favorite is balanced power. While we were preparing the Ferrari for the 2006 track season (see Enjoy the Track), my mechanic and i were discussing power delivery. Not horsepower or torque, or how to get said things down on to the track surface, but how to get the car's electrical system to deliver enough juice to the appropriate bits.

Any car designer worth their salt will tell you, sometimes you need to look at the past to see the future. Hmmm... that saying rang a bell and so began my search for going back to the future. What was needed is a controlled nuclear power supply feeing, what else, a flux capacitor! After many prototypes, with failed attempts including a power grid shutdown in my area for more than a week(!), there was finally a version that yielded all the benefits and none of the drawbacks! After investing well over $235,341, and the pesky lawsuit from my State's power company that resulted in a $50,000 settlement with $10,000 in lawyer fees, you can see the final production unit above! This baby easily handles 1.21 Jigawatts! By now you are asking yourself, "Steven, what the heck does this have to do with us audiophiles?!?!?" Am glad you asked!

Because my new humble abode includes a few square miles of land, and all water is acquired from our natural spring, there was plenty of land and water to build the ultimate power supply! While costs be damned, it is my duty to have the most top-notch of everything to ensure my reviews are accurate and concise. If the power supplying equipment was not up to the task, all reviews would be meaningless. This is why audiophiles who live in New York City (Manhattan) may never truly know how good (or bad) their system may be. And with that said, we are in the building stages of what is being titled "Instant Natural Solution Adding Nuclear Energy."

Yes my friends, with a few square miles of land at my fingertips we have engineers busy building an audiophile's dream come true. My very own nuclear power plant! As you can see to the right, we are in the building stages. This truly amazing project should be completed by 2008. Imagine a virtually never-ending supply of clean power, free of RFI, EMI, spikes, surged, etc. We debated linking the system to the city to make a few dollars, plus we could help supply power for 1/3rd of the State's population. In the end i felt such things would only contaminate my personal supply. So the only thing on my personal power grid is, well, me!

We went through many designs and while a single tower would have been good enough, audiophiles understand that delicate analog products and devilish digital products should never mix. And with that said, we have decided to build not just one, but to separate nuclear towers/supplies! While this action nearly doubled the costs, it only goes to show the lengths we audiophiles will go to.

There were many obstacles to be overcome. While looking at the design that will produce energy for my race car, the mechanic and i were perplexed as to why anyone would use water. Sure my natural spring would easily work, yet within a race vehicle you never really want to use water as a cooling agent. After careful research the plant engineers agreed to work with Evans, a well-established company that produces non-water based coolant for automobiles, to design a specialized formula for my personal nuclear facility. Basically, we will be employing a variation of Evans NPG+, with early samples and testing to be leagues ahead of water other Nuclear facilities utilize. Of course i could go on and on with the myriad of other details, yet rest assured that no stone was left unturned. There is one detail that does need special attention.

With nearly unlimited power came the need to insure stability at all costs, lest a meltdown occur. And so my friends, this personal pet project will indeed be 'smoothed' with a flux capacitor. You can see it here, no longer in prototype, but fully operational! i will be personally licensing this project through my legal team, Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe. This will aid in helping offset the costs of my Instant Natural Solution Adding Nuclear Energy project (I.N.S.A.N.E. for short). So next time industry insiders see me at a show, if i have that extra special glow about me do not blame it on an amazing marriage to a wonderful woman, but instead it is due to that natural luminosity of nuclear energy!

As Mr. Burns would say "Excellent Smithers!" And with that said i look forward to delivering the very best reviews in 2008, until then simply ignore all my past and near future reviews as they mean nothing. As always, in the end what really matters is that you...

Enjoy the Music,

Steven R. Rochlin
(Sadly, yes, that is really me in photo below)