The Dark Sucker Theory
Review by Karl Lozier
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Prolog:

  This story has its beginning seventeen years ago. I had access then and actually received a copy (supposedly complete) of this new basic theory or BT, not BS. I had planned to publish it last year at this time for our usual special April first issue, but could not find it. I contacted both Wylie Sanders and George McWicker (both now retired) as mentioned in the article; neither of them had retained copies of the controversial theory. I remembered a fair amount of detail, but not enough. All was not lost however; this past summer I ran across my original copy and have waited till the appropriate time to share it with you - now.

First an important notice in regards to last year's article on the disappearing reserves of good clean vacuum. As I mentioned, some manufacturers had decided to reuse vacuum from some of the old or so called NOS (new old stock) tubes. The trial projects of this have not had much success and I am completely opposed to it. During this past year, I have learned to my satisfaction that the current manufacturers of many tubes are unable to equal the quality of many of the forty-year-old ones, particularly some of the difficult to manufacture ones such as the 6DJ8 family. I cannot condone destroying any of the old tubes by removing their vacuum for current production use.

I have not changed nor deleted any words from the original copy I obtained seventeen years ago. However, I have added a few appropriate sentences for clarity. Below you'll find the theory as originally presented at the Southern Bell seminar and discretely distributed to a select few of their engineering staff while somehow allowing a copy to reach Wylie Sanders of the FPL Corporation, who copied it for me.

For years it was believed that light was emitted from an electric bulb; recent information has proven otherwise - Dark is sucked into the bulb - therefore, the bulb is a DARK SUCKER.

There are many types and sizes of DARK SUCKERS. The largest manufacturers of DARK SUCKERS are General Electric and Sylvania. Some modern DARK SUCKERS utilize solid power to operate properly. Solid power units can be purchased from Eveready, Exide and Duracell. The DARK SUCKER theory proves the existence of DARK SUCKERS as well as proving that dark is heavier than light. Some examples are as follows:

Electric Bulbs

There is less dark near the electric bulb than at a distance of 100 feet, when it is operating, therefore, it is sucking dark and can be classified as a DARK SUCKER. This is straightforward logic. The larger the DARK SUCKER, the greater the distance it can suck dark. The larger the DARK SUCKER the greater its capacity of dark.

The dark sucking capabilities are evident when the DARK SUCKER has reached its capacity and will no longer suck dark. Notice the dark area on the inside portion of the DARK SUCKER. The larger the DARK SUCKER the larger the dark area of dark found within. Just examine a bulb that can be energized for comparison.

This type DARK SUCKER can be made directional by placing a shield around a portion of the unit or behind it. This will prevent dark from entering the DARK SUCKER from that side thereby extending the range of the DARK SUCKER on the unprotected/unshielded side. Engineers are as guilty as the general public by calling this shield a "reflector".

Candles - Primitive Dark Suckers

There is more dark 30 feet from a lit candle than there is at a distance of 3 feet. Proof of its dark sucking capabilities is relatively simple. Examine a new unused candle; notice that the center core is not dark. Ignite the center core; allow the center core to burn for approximately 5 minutes. Notice the lack of dark around the candle. Extinguish the candle flame. Notice that the center core of the candle is now dark. The center core is a DARK SUCKER protected by a soft insulator to extend its life expectancy and maintain rigidity. These primitive Dark Suckers are usually used as backups to modern dark suckers and are very inefficient.

To verify that this primitive DARK SUCKER is operating properly, ignite the center core and allow it to burn for a minimum of 2 minutes. Pass a clean pencil over top, left to right approximately 3 inches above the center core. Notice that there is no dark on the pencil. Pass the pencil over top, right to left approximately ½ inch above the center core. Notice that the pencil now has a darkened area. The pencil blocked the path of the dark being sucked to the core of the DARK SUCKER. This experiment can be repeated as often as desired with consistent results. This type DARK SUCKER is very primitive and does not suck dark any great distance nor does it have a large capacity.

DARK SUCKER solid power units may be purchased locally at a variety of outlets. Size does not determine the life expectancy of the DARK SUCKER solid power unit. These solid power units work with many modern DARK SUCKERS, and absorb dark from the DARK SUCKER. The absorbed dark is converted to solid power within the unit.

An example of the conversion of dark into solid power is in the automobiles of today. Notice an automobile in use during the dark hours, two large DARK SUCKERS are located on the front, which are variable, on the rear there are two smaller DARK SUCKERS with red filters, and you will also notice several DARK SUCKERS with yellow filters. These filters are required to remove a percentage of red and yellow from total dark so as to energize the solid power unit.

The solid power unit permits the automobile to be utilized during hours of no dark by the dark it has absorbed. The solid power unit has a dark interior; cutting the automobile solid power unit in half can prove this.

Dark Is Heavier Than Light

Dark always settles to the bottom of a lake and/or river. Submerge just below the surface of a lake and you will notice an absence of dark. Lower yourself to 15 feet below the surface and you will notice a degree of darkness even on a sunny, bright day. Lower yourself to 50 feet (or more) below the surface and you are in total dark. The dark has settled to the bottom, therefore, it is heavier than light.

Modern technology has allowed us to utilize the dark that has settled to the bottom of large rivers. The dark is passed through turbines, which push it downriver to the ocean, which has a larger holding capacity for dark and is a common safe storage location. As the dark is passed through the turbine, a percentage of solid power is removed and transmitted to various short term storage plants for many usages.

Prior to turbines, it was more difficult to move the dark from rivers to storage areas such as deep lakes or the ocean. The Indians would paddle their canoes very little and not very deeply if they were going in the direction of flow of dark so as not to slow it down, however, if they were traveling opposite the natural flow of dark, they would dig their paddles very deep and rapidly to assist the flow of dark to its ocean storage place.

Dark Is Faster Than Light

If you would open a drawer very slowly, you will notice that the light goes into the drawer (this you can see happen). You cannot see the dark leave the drawer. Continue to open the drawer and light will continue to enter the drawer; however, you will not see any dark leave the drawer. Therefore, dark is faster than light.

Go into a closet, close the door, and turn off the DARK SUCKER. Have a friend open the door about one inch. Your friend will not see any dark leave the closet, nor will you. Have your friend open the door until half the closet is dark and half is light. Since two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time, and you do not feel any change in pressure, by compressing the dark, it is logical to assume that dark is faster than light.

This is the end of the information Wylie Sanders was able to obtain. I was most fortunate to obtain a copy of this report on basic research of the "DARK SUCKER THEORY" dating from 1985. The seminar that provided this information was held by Southern Bell at their technical school in Lisle, Illinois. It was subtitled "An endeavor to keep you abreast of the latest information in the lightwave environment". The company will not acknowledge that the seminar ever took place. George McWicker, a retired engineer from Southern Bell says that rumors concerning the top-secret seminar and follow up projects persist to this day. Wylie Sanders, a former general manager and engineer with Florida Power and Light Company has been unable to obtain any definite information follow-up on this unique theory. It is evident that Southern Bell,
now known as Bell South, has tightened security around any projects based on this theory and FPL would be a probable competitor for exploiting commercial use of the "DARK SUCKER THEORY".

Addendum: The above-mentioned Wylie Sanders had an appointment with me at my office on March 13^th and I gave him a copy of the above article. He mentioned that he had received a similar message just two days earlier! An almost unbelievable coincidence after seventeen years of silence the subject is popping up again. He sent a copy to me and it is entitled "Dark" and otherwise is similar, but obviously rewritten from the original seminar report.