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November 2000
Enjoy the Music.com Review Magazine
The Milto-Burlitz Guide To...
Reading, Understanding And Enjoying Audio Reviews
Article by Fred Manteghian

 

  We'll be the first to admit that reading audio reviews can be a daunting task. Do you find yourself wondering, "What are they talking about?" or "I never heard that --- am I missing something?" Well, we reviewers can be an obtuse bunch when we want to. Let's look at some of the phrases you'll encounter in your readings. We'll explain them to you in plain English, and in no time at all, you'll be an expert as well.

 

When they say...     They mean...

I can't understand why          I overtightened the nuts,
they put such cheap             and both posts snapped ---
binding posts on a              again. 
product of this caliber.

 

Despite it's slight             This thing has no
problems at the extremes,       bass and treble that
the products strong             actually hurts!
point was it's rendition
of the all-important
midrange.

 

In spite of the                 It didn't sound
measurement anomalies,          broken when we
this speaker is clearly         gave it our top
a state-of-the-art              rating.
product.

 

The second sample               Red is ground
also failed when I              isn't it?
turned it on.

 

It was definitely               It isn't that good,
borderline Class A.             but it's sooo expensive,
                                and they're letting me
                                keep it --- G-d I feel
                                So cheap!

 

Light years ahead               The competition won't
of the competition.             give us a review
                                sample.

 

We hire only                    We'll hire any audiophile
the best writers.               who recognizes a pencil
                                two out of three tries.

 

After six months, the           The product sat
unit failed and I               in my garage for six
Requested a second              months until I backed
sample.                         my car over it ---
                                Getting the review
                                Process underway.

 

This is an incomplete           The product sucks
but promising design            but he has some 
from a talented young           money left in his
designer.                       advertising budget.

 

Better than amps                I have no idea what
costing three times             I'm talking about,
as much.                        but I like the
                                amp --- a lot!

 

This product had                I listened to all
me pulling one record           five of my records.
after another from
my collection.

 

Michelle --- ma belle ---       Michelle, who is
loved the lush midrange         proficient in sign
of the Beau-Evlav amp.          language, described
                                the amp to me. 

 

The images in the               I haven't had sex
soundstage had that             since my wife left
elusive and seductive           me and I'm starting
sense of palatable              to hallucinate.
presence.

 

These babies had                I don't know how
me playing air guitar.          to play a real instrument.

 

Every once in a                 I love my DSS
long while a product            satellite system.
comes along that redefines
the way we think about
audio.

 

This product lacks              The product stinks
some of the subtle              but we don't want to
refinements we've come          piss off this famous
expect from a designer          manufacturer.
of this caliber.

 

This preamp is                  We aint giving it
the new reference.              back, and we aint
                                payin' for it either.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

     
 

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