April 2001
April Fools Joke!

Roly-Poly Loudspeakers

Article by Scott Dorsey

  True, most speakers no good, always wreck the music smash up like 100% distortion. This universal, everyboty the thing to know like that. Roly-Poly speakers much better, have only the music. Special crossover allows 100% music through, present dead short to amplifier distortion.

Other speakers run your music, maybe ruin your ear maybe even dangerous. ACOUSTIC RESEARCH speakers all sealed boxes, no vents inside. Drivers move in an out, compress the air inside. Dangerous. These speakers always exploding, killing people because compressed air build up inside.

It's true only Roly-Poly speakers any good at all. DYNAUDIO speaker no good, got vents in the back where all the music falls out. All the music rolling around on the floor not go into your ears like with Roly-Poly speaker. Always you have to vacuum up the floor dead music lying around collecting dust down there.

Even worse sometimes. QUAD ESL speaker use high voltage, all this high voltage electrcity leaking into air. Positive ions, get you very sick. Roly-Poly speaker eliminate dangerous high voltage supply, good healthgiving effects real music has.

Roly-Poly speaker only use one driver for both channels, for all frequency. Has one speaker, four different voice coils! New innovation! Patented! You get all frequencies, get stereo at the same time, no explosions, no distortion, only music. No crossover distortion! Only 100% pure whizzer cone speaker!

Cheap speakers ruin you music. You listen to music, get sick and throw up. You get sick and die. Not happen with Roly-Poly speakers.